Wednesday, April 8, 2009

All You'll Ever Need to Know

Did the people on the Mall, at Dr. King's feet in 1963 know that they were witnessing one of the most important moments in modern oratory? Ineffectual as it was in swaying the election, can we call Obama's 2004 Democratic National Convention address a truly great speech? Were the troops at Tilbury as moved by Elizabth I's words as history has them? Maybe. Or maybe history sweetens the memory of speeches. Perhaps hindsight can sweeten the words of speeches themselves. Accounts of reactions to the Gettysburg Address are conflicted, but many say that Lincoln's words met dispassionate, indifferent, and bored ears (remember that the crowd at Gettysburg had, before Lincoln's brief address, just suffered through a two hour oration by former Congressman Edward Everett). But eventually, if not immediately, the Gettysburg Address became the standard -- a compassionate and lofty tract of idealistic political philosophy, expressed through unpretentious, direct language.

On March 30th, 2009, Wynton Marsalis gave a speech at the Kennedy Center in Washington, D.C. Far from the brevity of Lincoln's meditation, but not quite the dirge of Everett's two hours, it is easily the most moving and profound piece of oration I have heard since July of 2004. The occasion was Arts Advocacy Day, and Marsalis gave the prestigious Annual Nancy Hanks Lecture. This is not a predictable battle cry in support of arts funding. Nor is it a sermon in promotion of one cultural agenda over another (although, granted, his personal tastes and biases inevitably shine through). There is something grander, yet simpler, at work here. This is a philosophical rumination (a "ballad," as Marsalis labels it) on the interconnected nature and indivisible oneness of all artistic expression, and, more to the point, on that phenomenon as the defining basis for what makes us "who we are." The "who" in this case is all of us, but most specifically, Americans.

We do not yet have the benefit of hindsight to tell us if this speech will be remembered or replayed in perpetuity. Nor is there likely to be any quantifiable effect of this speech on American cultural policy and arts patronage. But I suspect that this speech will have a lasting, formative effect on me, and if it reaches a few more, then it's certainly doing some good. This blogger's parents were in the audience, and my mother described it as "one of the great events of [her] life."

Now that I've built it up, and heightened your expectations, how could it possibly live up? Well, relax. Is it a perfect speech? I doubt such a thing exists. You may or may not care about the issues Marsalis covers. His tour through American history and arts may do nothing for you. You may disagree with some of his implications about contemporary art. I certainly did now and then. Then again, he's the lauded, world-renowned musician, educator, and impressario, whereas I'm a fanboy blogger. So I defer to Wynton in the end. The full -- and rather long -- speech is below. Double-click for fullscreen with playback controls.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Time For Awesome Randomness

Came across this photo in the interwebnets. George Cukor, John Wayne, Myrna Loy, and Steven Spielberg. WTF? What a strange and wonderful assemblage. Any guesses on the pageboy doo on the extreme right? Almost looks like Louise Lasser, or Ursula K. Le Guin (but what the hell would she be doing there?).

Monday, March 2, 2009

Separated at Birth?

Real estate investor/frequent CNBC commentator Tom Barrack and actor/one-third-of-Spinal Tap Harry Shearer. You be the judge. I just calls 'em like I sees 'em.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Utah Jones

I'm not sure what surprised me more... the fact that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints advertises on The Huffington Post:
... or the revelation that Jesus revisited earth as Harrison Ford.
Or am I the only person who sees that? Incidentally, in my image search for a shot of a bearded Ford (which predictably led me to settle on The Fugitive), I found this gem: a cameo by Ford as Indiana Jones in The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles. Keep watching past the preview.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

ATAGM #1: Alien 3 is My Longest Blog

Awful Things About Great Movies has been in the stars for a while. This shall be my finest hour. No slip-ups here. This is important. This means something. For in this blog, I shall -- for all time and beyond a shadow of a doubt -- belie the myth that Alien 3 sucks. I will go further. I say that Alien 3 is a great film. The awful thing about it is that it's been forgotten and brushed aside for 16 years. Alien 3 was not a hit, and almost immediately after its release dealt with brutal, unforgiving reviews. As the web came to light and grew, online fanboys and so-called Alien devotees have not been any kinder. There are few entries into major film franchises that have endured as much ridicule, dismissal, and unsupported mockery as has this film. Even Jaws: The Revenge and Rocky V don't take as much crap. As much as I think Alien 3 holds up and needs no defense, I feel compelled to do this, once and for all. Years ago, I had a brief defense of the film posted on the long-since-defunct davidfincher.net. This one will be anything but brief. I'm suddenly inspired to get this written because next week I will see it on the big screen for the first time. So let's do this. Spoiler alert.
After the success of Alien and Aliens, expectations for the third chapter's critical and commercial success were high. 20th Century Fox, to their credit, realized that much of the first two films' awesomeness was owed to the studio's having taken chances with big budgets on relatively untested directors. At the time of Alien, commercials director Ridley Scott had made some television, some shorts, and one feature (the gorgeous and too-seldom seen The Duellists). At the time of Aliens, James Cameron had made some shorts, a craptastic feature (Piranha II: The Spawning), and one successful feature (a little indie that found studio distribution, called The Terminator). For Alien 3, Fox initially went to Renny Harlin (mercifully, that never came to fruition), then went to a Kiwi filmmaker named Vincent Ward. Now, I'm no big What Dreams May Come fan. That's the film for which Ward will best be known to Americans (it was made well after Alien 3). But at the time, he was known for several films from New Zealand, not least of which was a film called The Navigator, which -- full disclosure -- this blogger has not seen. Ward developed an Alien 3 script, but left over some creative and/or budgetary disputes with Fox. Vestiges of Ward's impressive concept -- chronicled on the DVD -- remain in the finished film, but this blog is not about Vincent Ward's Alien 3. Fox ended up going with a commercials and music video director: a one-time Lucasfilm special effects technician named David Fincher. Fox couldn't know that this man would later bring us Seven, The Game, Fight Club, and Benji Button any more than they could have predicted Scott making Blade Runner, or Cameron making The Abyss or T2 (Did Cameron make anything after that? I certainly don't remember anything.). My point: before the film was even made, Fox had struck lightning thrice in the same phallic, xenomorphic spot. It's quite the triple play of great directors with beards.
I'll spare you a blow-by-blow summary of Alien 3's plot, assuming that if you're reading, you've seen it. As a refresher, the gist is this: immediately after Aliens, an electrical fire onboard the Sulaco (caused by an alien) causes heroine Ripley, Marine Corporal Hicks, cherub Newt, and the remains of android Bishop to crash-land on Fury 161, a prison planet inhabited by a lot of Cockney double-Y chromosome inmates. Ripley is the only one who survives the crash, and she spends the film navigating the awkward and dangerous waters of an all-male population of violent criminals. In the midst of this, she can't shake the feeling that she hasn't outrun the monster. That's because there's one on the loose.

Right off the bat, Alien 3 takes an unexpected turn, and this, I believe, is how it first lost so many fans. The deaths, before the film even kicks off, of all but one of storyline's remaining characters, is a bold move for a major Hollywood franchise. By Aliens' end, James Cameron has created a surrogate nuclear family: bad-ass mama Ripley has coupled with the handsome, square-jawed Hicks (albeit without any outward romance), adopted the orphaned Newt, and made peace with the family pet, who, I guess, is the crippled Bishop. They fly off into the stars, ready "to dream" in peace. BAM! They're dead. Sure, this rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. But people, please... what part of the Alien series led you to believe that this was a story meant to fill your heart with sunbeams and fairy dust? From the first masterpiece of the franchise, in which a group of laymen are deliberately sent into harm's way by a megalomanical corporate system which considers them expendable, this is a universe in which bad things happen mercilessly.
Alien, a product of the post-Vietnam era (but maybe I'm over-reaching here), paints a very grim picture of a universe in which the innocent will suffer at the hands of a monster, let loose by an even greater, faceless evil. No amount of ingenuity or decency can save Dallas (the prototypical, heroic good guy) or his crew from certain death. Only one, Ripley, survives. But by the second film, Ripley is too psychologically damaged by the experience to be a functioning member of society. Not only that, she's also decried as a Cassandra by those responsible for her experience, stripped of her flight license (and hence, her career), and -- as we learn in the far-superior and widely available Aliens Director's Cut -- she has lost her daughter due to an abnormally long hypersleep in space. When given the opportunity to reface the demon that destroyed her life, Ripley seizes it. She goes so that she can sleep at night, and she goes because this time she's supposed to be protected by a squad of Marines. Of course, almost everyone dies, unprepared for the enemy, and undone by more corruption and treachery on the part of their human superiors. Those who survive do so because they are spurred on by Ripley's strength.
So, by the time of Alien 3, the series is about many things, but it's not about happy endings. It's about paranoia, claustrophobia, weakness versus strength, force, reason, science, trust, greed, pure evil, and primal horror. Swiss artist H.R. Giger's iconic and utterly sexual alien anatomy and physiology designs led to some serious Freudian analysis of science fiction. And, of course, Sigourney Weaver's Ripley ushered in a renaissance for feminist Hollywood (a slimy sci-fi action flick received a best actress Oscar nomination in 1986, lest we forget). So yes, for her suffering, Ripley gets her "family" together. But I submit that it would be a betrayal of the series' tone and purpose to continue without snatching back Ripley's fleeting happiness. The superfluously thorough 9-DVD Alien Quadrilogy box set is, much to my chagrin, chock-full of interviews with Alien 3 apologists (some of them cast and crew from the series itself), all of whom bemoan the film's opening twists. It's been a while since I watched the interviews, but I remember Cameron saying something like, "I wanted to see that family go off and continue to fight the alien together." Yeah Jim, I bet you did. Wouldn't that be lovely? Newt could just strangle facehuggers while Mama Rip would melt warriors and Papa Hicks would blow up the queen. Yeah, I'd buy that movie.

Bull. I get that a lot of people wanted to see such a movie. I know that people were swept away by how ass-kicking Aliens is. I agree. But James Cameron's Alien 3 would have been too much of one good thing. Perhaps the most astounding thing about this series is its ability to reinvent and not to repeat itself. Who knew there were so many ways to present the same slimy phallus-beast? Alien is a straight-up, balls-out horror film -- it's about what's lurking in the dark, and even through its ending it maintains a pretty cynical, pessimistic tone about our inability to fight such horror. Aliens, while still scary, is more of a combat film. It's about overcoming the horror and terror with teamwork and courage (kind of a Howard Hawksian approach to story: "people getting s#!% done"). Sure, people die along the way, but this time, it's sacrifice in the name of defeating an enemy, whereas, in Alien, it's just tragic, "expendable" loss. Had the saga continued on that "kick ass and take names" note, it would have become just another redundant sequel. Fun, perhaps, and maybe even a good movie, but a waste of an opportunity for a climactic third act.
That, to me, is exactly what the original Alien Trilogy is: a perfect three-act space opera. It is the story of Lt. Ellen Ripley, an intelligent, virtuous woman who is thrust into the most sinister and extreme of scenarios. She survives the horrific first act, battered and weaker. She emerges from the test of the second act stronger and none the worse for wear. The third act, then, must throw new challenges at her, lest the narrative become stagnant. So at the top of Alien 3, Ripley loses everything she holds dear. It's pretty classic dramaturgy: Act I, establish a problem; Act II, begin to combat that problem; Act III, make problem seem insurmountable, leading to dramatic climax and resolution. That's what we get here. Ripley's recent victory evaporates, and so, too, must her gung-ho attitude as she prepares for the greatest test of all.
The opening of Alien 3 is, for a die-hard fan, emotionally devastating, as it is for our heroine. I remember well the "holy crap" sinking I felt in my stomach, the first time I watched the film. Incidentally, the first time I saw both Aliens and Alien 3, as a wee fanboy, I watched them back-to-back. As such, I was riding high from my virgin viewing of Aliens. "Yeah! She got sweet revenge on the alien," I thought. Then, suddenly, "No! How could they kill everyone?" But that sentiment is misplaced when it is held against the film itself, or against the filmmakers. While watching It's a Wonderful Life, when Mr. Potter shows himself to be a dishonest crook who won't give George Bailey the money that's rightfully his, do you think, "Potter, you villain! I hate you," or do you think, "Damn you Frank Capra! I hate this movie!?" Too many Alien 3 haters displace their emotional involvement in Ripley's fiction, converting it into real-world hate of the fiction writers. There is another person who once reacted thus, and her name is Annie Wilkes. In Stephen King's Misery, Annie, devastated by the death of her favorite character in her favorite fiction series, holds hostage the series' author, torturing and mutilating him until he agrees to change the fiction, after which she will kill him so that the fiction ends as she wishes. But Annie Wilkes is a solipsistic, psychotic murderess, as may be -- for all I know -- these Alien 3 haters who disregard the film merely because it doesn't unfold as happily as they'd like.

If you hate Alien 3 because you don't like how it opens, I have little patience for your crtiticism. You have decided to be an Annie Wilkes before the film has even begun. If you are an Annie Wilkes as concerns the film's ending, then we have more to talk about, but I will still disagree with you. Here come the biggest spoiler alerts of the blog. By film's end, we learn that Ripley is "impregnated" with an alien queen. Distracted by the paranoia she felt regarding Newt's death, and by the danger of a new breed of alien warrior running around the prison, Ripley can not have known that she herself holds the potential key to limitless death and alien terror. She knows that the omnipresent Company wants the specimen which is inside her, and she knows that human life is meaningless to such a supreme evil. She can not trust human-Bishop's promise to save her life by removing the parasite. Of course, the only alternative to giving that trust is to accept death. By the time Ripley is cornered in the final climax, the choice is clear: suicide is the only way to protect humanity from the monster, and to dash the sinister machinations of the Company. This death offers a moral victory and martyrdom -- the symbolism of which can hardly be denied.
Ripley's death is clearly the moral high ground in that fork in the road. But some still reject the fork itself. Why put Ripley in that situation to begin with? Why kill off the heroine? Why destroy the only constant, enduring force for good in this world? I say because this is Act III, gang. This is the story that needs to be told. Ripley has played the damsel in the slasher flick-cum-sci-fi thriller. She has opened up the can of whoop-ass in the action movie. Now it is time for her to face something from which she can not run and which she can not stop with force. That is the essence of Alien 3, and that may be alienating (forgive me) for many. The film doesn't have as many scares as Alien or as many thrills as Aliens, but rather dwells on very grim corners of the human psyche. Ripley is surrounded not by colleagues or by soldiers, but by the worst misfits of society: rapists and murderers, all supposedly reformed by religion but clearly dangerous. She is with the dregs of humanity, stranded "at the ass-end of space," with few options and fewer allies. And, despite the relative quiet of her surroundings (after the war zone of Aliens), the problem she now faces seems more insurmountable than anything she's faced before. Even on the Nostromo in the first film, she had weapons and a crew of allies who were just as afraid as she. Here, she has trouble convincing anyone of the looming danger, and once she does, she has to compete with the absence of any weapons more formidable than a fire axe. Eschewing the conventional Hollywood wisdom that "more is more," Alien 3 does not pile on the spectacle, gadgetry, and "strength in numbers" philosophy of a typical sequel. Aliens took that approach, and did it very well, but this is something different. Alien 3 gets back to basics, and rather deftly handles the subtle notion that the greatest adversary is within, not swarming about in the form of a slimy horde with teeth. I celebrate the film's twist of putting Ripley in this situation and then killing her off. It is gutsy, unconventional, and makes for an utterly unique film.

So let's assume that you're with me so far. What else is there to hate? You don't like the strange cast of mostly British inmates? You miss the smack-talking Marines? Deal with it. The Marines had their day, and got beat. Ripley is a stranger in a strange land here. The ensemble of enigmatic inmates only bolsters that notion. And this is a most excellent cast, full of faces you've seen, even if you don't know their names: Charles Dance, Brian Glover, Ralph Brown, and Pete Postlewaite are awesome. And who can forget Charles S. Dutton as Dillon, the gang's spiritual leader, who found God and can only see the alien as a sign? His con-turned-amateur preacher is a most unusual presence for a mainstream sci-fi film, but Dutton makes him believable; Dillon is right at home, exactly where he should be, bringing a little faith and discipline to a rag-tag clan of miscreants on a small, forgotten outpost in the furthest reaches of space. I love this gaggle of characters.
What else do you dislike? You miss the queen and the hive of aliens? One rogue monster not enough for you? Come on, did you see the first film? There's no law that says you can't cut back. This is all part of Alien 3's "less is more" surprise. And it does offer something new: incubated in a quadraped rather than in a human, this beast is faster and more agile than anything Ripley has encountered. Fincher called it a "cross between a freight train and a jaguar." Oh, what... you think that motion-capture digital puppet looks fake? Come on. It's actually a pretty advanced effect for the time, and a well shot, dramatically motivated effect is always more important than a seamless technique. Have you ever seen the Wizard of Oz? Or a Ray Harryhausen movie? Or King Kong? Dated FX need not diminish a film's greatness. This is a fantastic movie monster, logically consistent with its predecessors, yet memorable in new ways. The face-to-face scene with Ripley is, to me, as scary and iconic as Alien's chestburster, or Aliens' majestic queen.
I simply have yet to hear a criticism of Alien 3 that holds any water. This is a rich, frightening, and surprisingly complex film. Remnants of Vincent Ward's original story -- in which the prisoners are actually monks on a man-made, wooden monastery planetoid -- can be seen. The film is steeped in religious imagery and metaphor. The notion of cleansing and rebirth, so inherent in the alien's lifecycle, is finally given some poetic treatment by the series. Resurrection and virginal birth find literal, gruesome context in the xenomorph's gestation process. Ripley, so abused and tested beyond reasonable limits, now facing internal demons (literally), has something new questioned: not her strength or her stamina, but her faith. Dillion asks, "Do you have any faith, sister?" Ripley's answer is "Not much," but by film's end she has shown what the courage and selflessness of one can do for the good of many.
In terms of technique, the film is a near masterpiece -- a triumph for a first-time feature director. Alex Thomson's lush, shadowy cinematography gives this film perhaps the most singular look of the series. I once read that Blade Runner's Jordan Cronenweth even shot some scenes. Norman Reynolds' production design is likewise impressive. Fury 161 looks like a castle keep or a cathedral as much as it does a futuristic prison complex. The sets are majestic, yet decayed and grim. The place looks lived in, utterly plausible, and thoroughly intimidating. Terry Rawlings, who edited the first film, returns to give this film a frighteningly taut rhythm. Elliot Goldenthal's score is one of the great overlooked masterpieces of 90's film music. He melds choral requiem with electronic ambience and full, booming horror orchestra. It's a gorgeous score, full of grandiose melancholy, but appropriately without iconic theme music. The series has done well to avoid a catch tune. It's hard to imagine the series with a Jaws-like "duh-dum." Ripley is not John Wayne. She iconoclastically avoids a theme song.
Ripley is, by this chapter, a hero of nearly mythic status -- at least to the audience. Fincher's camera rightfully idolizes her (low angle shots abound). He knows that this opera is not about space monsters or evil interplanetary corporations. This is the story of one woman. But she, humbly, doesn't think of herself heroically. That would be too Cameronesque. She might have had a chip on her shoulder had things worked out differently, but life (the alien, the Company) keeps smacking her down. And yet she fights on. We must marvel at this, because we have been pummeled with her. The Alien Trilogy is a draining set of films. They are depressing, harrowing, and violent cinematic experiences. Those of us who don't misplace our anger at the death of Newt and Hicks may then feel Ripley's loss with her. We endure and suffer with her, rather than act as casual observers to the horror. That voyeuristic relationship between audience and killing, exemplified in Psycho, finds home in many a slasher film, but that usually means that the killer, not the hero, is the more charismatic or memorable character (Norman Bates, Jason, Leatherface, etc.). People may come to Alien films for the monsters, but their constant anchor in the drama is Ripley. Without her, an Alien film is just a smorgasbord of gooey death with no gravitas (more on this later).

But Alien 3 has plenty of gravitas -- more, it seems, than a lot of "fans" cared for. My theory is that there are a lot of fans of the second film, Aliens, who mistake their enthusiasm for love of the Alien series as a whole. They say, "I'm an Aliens fan," when they mean, "I'm an Aliens fan." I know why Aliens has fans. It's a butt-kicking movie. It's a sci-fi nerd's heaven, full of geek tech and nifty monsters. It's an action buff's wet dream, full of big, noisy guns and badass Marines. It's well paced, well written, well acted, and a great piece of film craft in general -- Cameron at his best. I love the film. You don't need to convince me. But to consider the film the pinnacle of the series, rather than the middle third of one bigger movie is, in my opinion, narrow-minded. After Alien became Aliens, these people wanted to see "Alienses," but got Alien 3 instead. Most of these fans espouse some version of the same line: "The first one is the scariest, but the second one is totally the best. The third one blows." Unfortunately, these are often people who enjoyed the fourth entry, Alien: Resurrection.
That leads me to the elephant in the room. Why have I only spoken of the films as a trilogy, when it's actually a quartet plus two later prequels (Alien Versus Predator and Alien Versus Predator: Requiem)? I admit my bias: I dismiss Resurrection with about as much zeal as do many haters diss Alien 3. I will save a detailed tearing-down of the fourth film for another blog (don't get me started), but surely, by its own title, the film admits to being an afterthought. Ripley died, and is literally brought back through the most contrived and nonsensical of means. The three-act opera was finished, so in a sense, this is the first sequel to the perfect, previous, 1-2-3 punch of the trilogy. The two AVP flicks are spin-offs, existing outside the Ripley narrative, but cleverly placed in the Company's universe, albeit hundreds of years earlier. As mediocre as I find these two films, they actually have some of the most graphic, disgusting moments of the series to recommend them (but not much else). But for the purposes of defending Alien 3, I really don't need to discuss Alien 4, or AVP's 1 and 2. I merely mention them as evidence of what I think is questionable taste on the part of "fans."
The first film is my favorite, but I've made no secret of the fact that I think Alien 3 is superior even to Aliens. There, I said it, and here's where I lose many of you, I know. Of course, I doubt if anyone has made it this far into the blog anyway. I have seen both films many times, and I find that Aliens wears all its tricks on its sleeve. I love Aliens, as I've said, but Alien 3 gets richer and more impressive with each viewing. Aliens pretty much stays the same every time. There's nothing wrong with that. But this is not a blog about about pitting the films against each other. This is about Alien 3, and I'm telling you, if you only watched it that one time years ago and haven't since, go back to it.

When you do, get a hold of the Special Edition cut. It's nearly 30 minutes longer than the theatrical cut and is even better. A lengthy subplot is restored which greatly enhances the character of Golic and creates a more frightening "alien as God/Devil" layer to the film. By most accounts, this "assembly cut" was Fincher's original submitted version of the film, but lengthy, ugly fights with the studio resulted in the much abridged -- and slightly less elegant -- theatrical cut. Sadly, this longer version of the film can not be considered a "director's cut." Fincher famously divorced himself from anything having to do with Fox and the film after the fact. He is conspicuously absent from the special edition DVD features. After Alien 3, he was known to say that he'd had enough of Hollywood and would direct no more features. Thank heaven he changed his mind. So, perhaps the the real awful thing about this great film is the hell it created for its creator.
For her own part, it's hard to get a sense of where Ripley herself stands on the film. Weaver is gracious as hell, but who knows what she might be hiding. And remember, I may love this character, and adore her real-world persona, but this is the woman who starred in Alien: Resurrection. But I don't want to speak ill of old Sig.' She supposedly agreed to do Aliens 3 and 4 on the conditions that she would get to a) sleep with the alien and b) die. Understandably adverse to option a, Fox skipped ahead to killing her off in 3. But when money was to be made on a fourth installment, they found a way to have her "sleep with" the alien, to lure her back. Again, don't get me started.
Alien/Ripley love scenes aside, Weaver seems to have known what was good for the series, at least as concerns the third installment. She knew it had to end. Endings are bittersweet for fans sometimes, so I understand why Alien 3 is a hard pill to swallow, but it's worth taking. The amount of hatred and chiding aimed at the film online and off is perplexing and enraging to a fan such as myself. I remember well when, while coveting the big DVD box set before its release date, I found an advance review online. The reviewer made repeated references to Alien 3's "betrayal" of his love for the series. I'm sorry, Jason Bovberg, but I want to smack you in the mouth. You guessed it: he's a guy who "can enjoy" Resurrection. He'd be content to watch Ripley fly from planet to planet, vanquishing horde after horde of alien fiends with an assortment of cleverly nicknamed space Marines and an implausibly resilient blonde-haired cherub at her side. That would be a kick-ass triumph for Ripley, I'm sure he thinks. Alien 3 won't satisfy that bloodlust, but it is completely satisfying in its own right. Ripley does vanquish evil. But her triumph is more impressive, and more gut-wrenching, than the atomic explosion at the end of Aliens. Ripley's victory -- and, by extension, Alien 3's -- comes against the darkest and most dismal of odds. Act I: Fear. Act II: Revenge. Act III: Redemption. It may not be a happy ending, but it is the correct ending. Alien 3 haters... I say your opinion is incorrect. Those of you who made it this far... go outside and play right now.

AMENDMENT 2/17:
A friend of mine just posted a link to a "Trilogy Meter" on Facebook. In the bottom corner, one finds this snippet. Dan Meth, I've never met you, but suck it. You lost me at column 2 being higher than 1. We've gotta fight this epidemic, people. Go rent the Special Edition cut. Spread the love.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Hello, Tony!

I am only moderately embarrassed to admit that I really like a commercial. My dayjob sees me watching a lot of CNBC, which plays the same ten ads every half hour, and the Powershares "this is your mind" ad is perhaps the only one I can stomach. FX by Peter Jackson's Weta Digital help. But at the center is the charming little professor above, who, I swear, is Aubrey Morris. You know him better as Mr. Deltoid in A Clockwork Orange and the creepy gardener in the original The Wicker Man ("It's the wee lassie's navel string!").
I've scoured the web, but can find no evidence to support my theory. But I know it's he. And he's adorable. Watch the ad, below, and you'll be greeting all your friends with a rousing "hello, Tony!" before you know it. And here's a page with some nice info on the spot.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Apparently, Klaatu Ne Barada Pas Nikto

I know that they claim it's in there. And yes, I heard a loud but indistinct moan that sounded something like it, just when Keanu calls off GORT's swarm of killer cicadas. But by director Scott Derrickson's admission in the above-linked article, it's just there for the fans, and is no longer a plot point. I'm talking about the phrase, "Klaatu barada nikto," from the original version of The Day the Earth Stood Still.

Ok, spoiler alert on both the original and the remake from here on out. "Klaatu barada nikto" is the fail-safe code phrase which our alien hero, Klaatu, directs our earthly heroine to utter to his interplanetery bodyguard/destroyer-of-worlds, Gort (as opposed to the upgraded GORT). By receiving this message from the tragically-fallen Klaatu, Gort cancels his Earth-melting agenda and the human race lives another day, given another chance by Klaatu to better themselves for the sake of life, the universe, and everything.

The beauty is, we are never told what it means. Obviously, it's some sort of "abort" order, but the subtleties are wrapped in mystery, and the simple three words, one of which we understand, leaves us deliciously guessing at what we don't know. Great stuff. This is geek poetry.

So I say it's a waste to make so little of this classic line. The utterance in the remake is hardly audible, let alone relevant, as it is presented. Heck, if Army of Darkness can make a plot point out of the line in loving homage, then why can't the remake? Without it, Stood Still is just another "alien warning" story. "Klaatu barada nikto" is the abracadabra that makes this particular cautionary tale so memorable. Whatever "barada nikto" means, we know that we have to be worthy of its being said, otherwise we're not fit to inhabit this planet. It is mumbo jumbo of the most profound significance. I mourn the wasted opportunity, on what is a decent movie otherwise (no small feat, given the high expectations associated with remaking such a classic).

I think my friend E summed up the flick best: there's nothing particularly wrong with it, but it's not memorable. Perhaps if they had, I dunno, come up with a mysterious catch phrase. Yeah. The movie is handled with some subtlety, and there's some neat stuff in it, for sure. I think, however, that the fable's metaphor is a little muddled. Made in the thick of the Cold War, the original film is plainly an anti-war film. Earth can't stop its violent ways, and so peaceful aliens decide to nip us humans in the bud before we can threaten the solar system. The remake is plainly a green film. Humans are laying waste to Earth, one of the only planets capable of sustaining complex life, and so the tree-hugging aliens decide to kill us to save the planet. But that logically leads to the notion that these aliens have some designs on the planet for the future. They wouldn't need to save the planet if they had no intention of living there, or at least using its resources, would they? Do they really want to become exterminators just for the sake of saving an ecosystem? I don't buy the logic. Something is missing. Klaatu supposedly represents benign entities, but in this version, his plans for Earth hint at something unspoken, and perhaps sinister. He seems to lay claim to the planet on behalf of others. That sounds like white Europeans sticking a flag in the New World and driving natives into oblivion.

And yes, I know that Klaatu must learn the beauty of the human race, but does it have to be while solving complex equations, listening to Bach, and discussing sociological philosophy with a posh English-accented John Cleese? Isn't that a bit obvious? Couldn't Klaatu find the Ramones just as beautiful? Or ride the Cyclone at Coney Island and say, "Neat?" It's as though he's ready to kill us all, but once he sips tea, tours the Louvre, and takes a class on poetry at Oxford, he thinks twice. Talk about white people.

I digress. I miss "Klaatu barada nikto." At least GORT was gigantic and had a sweet laser visor-eye.

Friday, December 12, 2008

R.I.P. Bettie

Bettie Page
April 22, 1923 – December 11, 2008

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Dr. Potomac & Mr. Strange Case

With deep love for its namesake and some remorse, this blogger is dropping the handle of Potomac. I had based that name on my time as a clerk at the greatest video store on the eastern seaboard. But as the number of my online accounts grows, I'm trying to consolidate the number of things I have to memorize, and I find that "Potomac" is taken by a lot of people. And I'm nothing if not a cyber-screenname iconoclast, right gang? Right? Anyway, Strange Case is the name of my recently formed production company, part of the working title of my upcoming film, and is utterly perplexing when read out of context. Perfect recipe. So yeah, I'm Strange Case. Nice to meet you.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Executive Excelsior! 'Nuff Said!

Moments after basking in the promise of the first Geek President, I find out that Obama's comic-book-collectin,' MacBook-sportin,' Star-Trek-lovin' ass has been beaten to the punch by Dubya. The White House has announced the 2008 National Medal of Arts Recipients, and the Grand Doyen of all fanboys, Stan Lee, is among them. Sorry, Forrest Ackerman, take a number.

I think it fairly momentous that the creator of The Hulk, Spider-Man, X-Men, et al is going to receive the most prestigious arts award in the nation. But I have to guess that 'Bama is throwing kryptonite darts at a picture of W right about now. You just know the President-Elect was saving a spot for Stan right next to Stephen King, Spielberg, and J. K. Rowling. No? Ok, fine, that might be a bit much. Knock Steve off the list. No, the other Steve.

Anyway, it's a fine, validating day to be a geek.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Evasion ≠ Denial, Ashley

Wow, I'm really not keeping up with my updates. I apologize. I've been busy editing. I can only promise that when I unleash the zombie Adrienne Barbeau upon the world, she's going to look fantastic.

In the meantime, maybe this tidbit will make amends. This past All Saint's Day (that's the day between Halloween and the Day of the Dead, you squares), I dragged my unwitting better half and another friend to see a midnight show of Bruce Campbell's My Name is Bruce. And the man himself, the champion of chainsaws, the enemy of severed posessed extremities everywhere, Ash, Brisco County, Jr, and the pornstar-'stached dude from Xena: Warrior Princess was there introducing it. In fact, he introduced at least six New York screenings in one weekend as part of his promotional tour.

Now, I love the man. I honor his canon. I grew up wanting to be him. So in the interest of prolonging the mythic status Bruce may hold in the hearts and minds of many reading, I am going to avoid any further discussion of this directed-by-and-starring-BC vehicle. What I will tell you is this: being in such a small crowd (roughly twenty dweebs showed up for the late show), and spurred on by Cambell asking, "Do any of you have a question about a movie you haven't seen?" I opened my big mouth and shouted, "Spider-Man 4!"

Immediately, BC began to riff. I think he's gotten this one before. Apart from rehashing his cameo roles in Spideys 1-3 (noting that, as a pesky usher, he was the only person who's defeated Spider-Man), he went on to ask, "I've done enough in those movies. What else do you want me to do?"

Now, I'll make the claim that what I'm about to suggest, I concocted in my brain years ago. That said, I can not claim that the idea is original. The fanboy fantasy pipe dream I herein propose has been out there on the internets for a while, concocted by the otherwise unengaged minds of a thousand geektards writing a thousand fanblogs. It's a rumor started by a million dudes who thought it up themselves or read it somewhere like this. Nor was this the first time it was proposed to BC in a Q&A, from what I gather online. But I rambled, out loud, in that curious fashion that comes so naturally to the comic nerd:

"How about this, Bruce: all of those characters were the same struggling actor and FX artist named Quentin Beck. You should be Mysterio."

Bruce played dumb. He asked what the hell I was talking about, pressing me to go on in an effort to deflect the question and out me as the incurable dork I am. Success on both counts, Campbell. But I shut my mouth quickly enough, once it became apparent that although he wasn't going to answer the question, he wasn't going to deny it either. He pretended to try to get Raimi on the phone. He asked, "Why would I want to act with a fishbowl on my head?" Good point. But he let slip something like, "Everywhere I go, I hear about this Mysterio." So much for playing dumb, Bruce. The hopeful geek in me could only take this as a sign that it's been Raimi's plan from the first film, and that Bruce knows exactly who Mysterio is.

Take it from a former employee of the franchise (I was a PA on the NY leg of Spidey 3): everyone's under a gag order. There were rumors of crew members being fired for taking photos on set. So while the man couldn't confirm anything, I'm going to keep hope alive. And I, for one, think Bruce would look great under a fishbowl.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Out of Sight

IMDb reports that the U.S. National Federation of the Blind plans to protest the film Blindness because it "portrays blind people as monsters." But really, before being so judgmental, don't you think they should see the movie?

Ba-dum-bum.

Thanks, I'll be here all week.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Not Yet

Yes, it's incredibly impressive what they can do with protons these days. But "recreating conditions a split second after the big bang" sounds mighty, um, ridiculous to this uneducated guy. So be alert and keep checking (props to The Geniuses for pointing this out):

Has the Large Hadron Collider Destroyed the World Yet?

Monday, August 25, 2008

Mea Culpa

Been gone for over a month. For the extraordinarily few of you who actually may have noticed my absence (and fewer of you who cared), I apologize. To make amends I offer these stills from my short film, The Strange Case of Dr. & Mrs. Jacobs, starring John La Zar, Adrienne Barbeau, and Peter Cambor. Production has just wrapped in LA, and that's the reason for my being offline for so long. Now I just have to edit the sucker.






Friday, July 18, 2008

Geek Purgatory

So much nerdy crap to blog about, so little time or will to do so. Where does one begin? Should we talk about The Dark Knight, easily the best comic book movie since the last comic book movie? Should we talk about the ennui-riffic Watchmen or Terminator: Salvation teasers? How about the mysteriously out-of-nowhere trailer for a "vaguely inspired by" the work of H.P. Lovecraft film called Cthulhu? That one looks like more of a kitchen-sink drama about homosexual New England love than a tale of tentacled deities from outer space (but who says those are mutually exclusive?).

I blogged enough about Dark Knight before ever seeing it, so I don't have much juice left in me (especially since I saw the 12:30 show last night and am exhausted). So I'll just throw these words out: satisfying, flawed, long, good (maybe even very good).

I got nothing else today, gang. Sorry.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Show Me the Spandex

This past weekend, I finally went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art to see Superheroes: Fashion and Fantasy. Summarily, the exhibit serves to illustrate how superhero aesthetics have leaped from comic books into the work of fashion and sportswear designers. Um, ok, sure. I mean, anything to get comics more celebrated by the established art world, right? If it takes Jean-Paul Gaultier and the Met's $20 "suggested donation" (read: "required ticket price") to get the Soho elite to take the work of Jack Kirby and Alex Ross seriously, I guess I'm for it. I was excited to go, and the exhibit's introductory copy certainly boded well:

... superheroes have often been dismissed as frivolous and superficial, but their apparent triviality is the very thing that gives them the ability to address serious issues... Through the years, the superhero has been used to embody—through metaphor—our social and political realities. At the same time, it has been used to represent concepts reflective of sexuality and corporeality through idealized, objectified, and hyperbolic visualizations of the human body. Constantly redefined and reworked according to popular canons of beauty, superheroes embody the superlative.
One reads this alongside one of Warhol's Superman prints. And it struck me for the first time that Andy's and Roy Lichtenstein's work, as much as I've always loved it, may have done more disservice to the quest for "high art" acceptance of comics than it did good. Pop Art, if I have it right, is a celebration and validation of the beauty and design in everyday commodities. Warhol selling a can of tomato soup for hundreds of thousands of dollars is (or at least once was) a twist on the preconceived notions of art historians, dealers, and other self-proclaimed experts of all that is graphically hip. That device -- that afficionado appraisal of the trivial -- when applied to Campbell's Soup, Penzoil, and Life Savers, can (for those who dig Pop Art) elevate the mundane and the everyday to the level of "high art," thereby calling into question the value of art itself, and likewise the significance placed on commercial goods -- all in all giving people something to argue about at galleries, all the while making Andy, Roy, et al rich mutha'uckas. So thanks for indulging that pretentious and utterly unqualified ramble on art. If you're still with me, let's move on, keeping in mind work like Lichtenstein's:
The epiphany I had is this: applying that same Pop Art, can-of-soup device to Superman seems to me to say, "This is not art. It becomes art when I silkscreen it onto a canvas and put it in a gallery." In other words, it disses the original work, as it might diss tomato soup by way of seemingly aggrandizing it. Or is it indeed an unironic homage to the original product? Regardless, it seems to do just that: to label the original a "commodity." So the comic book geek and purist in me wants to be insulted by Warhol's (and by extension, the Met's) implication: that comics are just commercial goods, now subject to the interpretations and conversion into art by the alchemic properties of the higgest bidder. Then again, Warhol also messed around with the Mona Lisa, so this entire debate gets muddled. The point is that whether it's art or not, celebration or ironic inversion, Warhol's Superman isn't Siegel and Shuster's, Alex Ross's, or even Jim Lee's Superman. It's a derivative of Superman. And this was my over-arching beef with the exhibit (which, granted, I enjoyed in some small measure). After reading the opening blurb in the shadow of Warhol, one turns to find a pretty neat alternating-light-source display which exhibits the costumes worn by Christopher Reeve as Superman and Clark Kent.
Ok, cool. Then there are contemporary fashion designers' take on "the graphic body," and then we see the link between the Flash's costume and full-body Speedo sportswear. Ok, I get it. Then we see Lynda Carter's Wonder Woman costume (aged from red, white, and blue to pink, beige, and violet), then we get full-contact sports gear and Christian Bale's latest Batman costume. This goes on and on, all the while punctuated by the work of contemporary designers who borrow the superhero themes for their work. But I could not help but wonder (and here's where the beef finally returns): where the hell are the comic books?

Every one of these superhero examples is a costume from a movie. Granted, they're pretty swell. Few disappoint, and some really take one back. As silly as I found the flick, seeing Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwoman costume from Batman Returns reminded me of a formative element in my adolescent sexuality. And Jim Acheson's lead costumes for Spider-Man 3 are impressive pieces of work, considering what a simple and goofy design that is on the printed page. Just compare 70's TV Spidey to the movies':
But where are the Kirby and Romita pictures? Where's a good Bob Kane grey-and-black Batman when when you need him? Impressive though these movie costumes may be, doesn't the entire exhibit betray its mission statement by engaging only the derivative examples of the original superheros? If superficiality and "constant reworking" are the main trends in superhero design, as they say, then wouldn't they be best served by engaging the two-dimensional, 4-color masterpieces of the comic book page? The best we get are giant Alex Ross frames, blown-up into murals for the totally obscured backgrounds of the exhibit. And then, tucked away in the final leg of the installation, are plexiglass cases showcasing a very expensive collection of some very famous issues. Action Comics #1 and Amazing Fantasy #15 are in there, among others (by the way, that's the first appearances of Superman and Spider-Man for you non-geeks). But they're just sitting there, unassumingly. No commentary, no open pages, and I don't even remember artist credits (although I could be wrong about that).

The Met is happy just to give us the tangible movie memorabilia. I guess that sells more suggested donations. But even by comic movies' admission, these aren't true superhero costumes. Remember that line in the first X-Men, after Wolverine questions the black leather team uniforms: "What did you expect, yellow spandex?" It's a great line, which this blog has cited before, and it reminds the die-hard fans to relax and remember that a literal representation of their favorites would look ridiculous onscreen (remember 70's Spidey?). This brings up another issue, which is the fact that the comic pages have begun to imitate their film versions:
But I digress. The simple fact is that these costumes ain't the originals. What the fashion designs have to do with it all, I'll leave to another blogger to address. But I think that using movie costumes to discuss superhero influences in contemporary fashion is like using sci-fi film vehicles to say that space flight has influenced modern automobile design. It's one step removed, and it discredits the stated goal of the project... and it disappoints die-hard comic fans who blog.
Saving grace of the exhibit: the silver Iron Man suit, built by the great Stan Winston before he died, is a beautiful piece of work. It may also be the costume that is closest to its original comic page inspiration, and it looked like a functioning machine. Later at the musem, as I walked through the armory, I thought, "That suit belongs here." It's a work of art, and that I will fight Andy Warhol's ghost on.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Maybe He'll Come Back as Carlin the White

I try to keep things relatively clean here, but...

SHIT PISS FUCK CUNT COCKSUCKER MOTHERFUCKER TITS

George Carlin
1937-2008
R.I.P.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

You Can't Fight in Here, This is the War Room

Today's random observation...

Is anyone else watching the Get Smart trailer reminded of the war room set in Dr. Strangelove? It's probably just me. What a waste of brain cells, bandwith, and time this blog is sometimes. Sorry gang.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

GTAAM #2: Stan Winston Edition

A.I., The Wiz, The Relic, Predator 2, Congo, End of Days, Leviathan

What do these movies have in common? Answer: they're not good. Granted, Congo has Tim Curry and Bruce Campbell at their cheesy best, but other than that, they have at least one unifying, redeeming quality: Stan Winston worked on them. Winston died earlier this week at the age of 62, and I'm a little slow to blog about it, but this is sad news for a fanboy movie buff.

Winston was a special FX guru who was as versatile with make-up and goo as he was with metal and microchips. He was as much a designer as he was an engineer, and pretty darn close to being another Ray Harryhausen. Let's just run down a list of some of Stan's creations:

. The T-800
. Predator (granted, the mandibles were supposedly James Cameron's idea)
. The Alien Queen
. Edward Scissorhands
. Jurassic Park's dinosaurs
. Iron Man
And, as less iconic work, but personal favorites of mine, I'll add:

. The Thing (made the dog monster, rest of film was handled by Rob Bottin)
. Galaxy Quest (gave animatronic control to the actor's own face, rather than remote control)
But this blog is supposed to be an installment in the Great Things About Awful Movies series. So let's get back to the first list of duds. I won't go through one by one and discredit the movies I mentioned (or the many other crap-fests on which Winston worked in his long career). If you like Spielberg's Asimovian wank-fest or that Crichton-in-the-jungle mis-fire, good for you. I don't feel the need to pick a fight.

"Awful" may be a strong word for some of those flicks, but the point is that Winston's work on them stands out. It is the best of what special effects have the potential to be: technically proficient (often seamless), dramatically motivated, imaginatively fantastical, and yet grounded in a realm of believable physics. Winston's creations are often the reason for coming to the theater, and yet always subservient to a larger purpose. They are great form, to be sure, but they always serve a great function as well. And in the cases (like the duds above) in which there really is no greater narrative worth paying attention to (for my money), one can just sit back and watch the eerie beauty of his robots in A.I., cringe at the effectively frightening Relic, or even gasp in terror at the sheer horror that is Michael Jackson's presence in The Wiz.
Winston's monsters move unlike anything we've seen, yet they move in a way that seems utterly real. They look, at times, like the most preposterous concoctions of fantasy, and yet they look like things that could actually exist. And, working through the onslaught of digital FX in Hollywood, he most often favored puppets and models over computers. He believed movie magic could be made with one's hands. He made good movies better, and made awful movies at least a little fun. He made wonderful, wondrous things on film, and he will be missed. R.I.P. Stan Winston.
P.S. My friend SW asked that I mention Death Becomes Her, but I'm sorry dude, I don't think he worked on it.