Thursday, February 14, 2008

The Last Crusade of the Raiders of the Temple of Little Green Men

The Indy 4 trailer is finally online, and nothing has me more excited -- other than the return of Karen Allen -- than the above still. Let the speculation begin.


GageZoRRoXXoZZZ! said...

Problems with this trailer:

1) it sucks donkey balls.

2) The lack of narrator. Every other Indiana Jones movie trailer had a goofy narrator, informing the audience that this movie came "from the makers of Jaws and Star Wars" telling the audience to "come have adventures with Indy!" It was super gay and super awesome. Here we have weird 3-D action movie text floating towards the screen with light rays beaming out that say stupid dramatic shit like "he protected the divine power." Fuck that.

3) Karen Allen gets the shaft in this trailer, and in all the promotional materials generally. But even thought I like Cate Blanchett, but obviously it's a bigger deal that Karen Allen is in it. Just one clear shot of her would make any Indy fan flip their shit, reserve their tickets now and whatnot, but all we see are a couple blurry, shaky frames.

4) Everything is green screen and CG, and it looks tacky. Some of the things they do as CG could have been done practically, and it would looks, I dunno, flatter somehow, shit would be out of focus and ugly and better. I'm not gonna lie, the production design in Temple of Doom is not very good. A lot of things look like paper maché. But even THAT is better than having all this weird, splashy, plastic crap in this movie. The colors are too bright, the explosions are too big, the big stone pillars aren't wobbly enough... if CG couldn't suck a dick before, it most certainly can now. Thank you CG for touching me in a way that makes me uncomfortable at an office party. Expect a lawsuit.

5) The second effect of the CG, besides sucking outright, is makes me feel like the actors aren't acting, they're playing pretend. like when they used to shake the camera in Star Trek and everyone would fall over.

6) Shia LaBeouf.

Gage Ullman said...

I failed to proofread that sufficiently. I'm sorry Alex.

Yeagers said...


Yeagers said...


Kabir said...

gage you're my hero. i couldn't have said anything better. fucking CG. fucking lucas.

PotSmokinAlien said...

This movie makes me feel like i'm at a public swimming pool and the movie is sitting in the bleachers trying not to be conspicuous and failing and every time i look over at it it quickly breaks eye contact and i wind up getting out of the pool earlier than i actually wanted to and then the movie "just so happens" to be using the locker next to mine and it tries to start a conversation with me in the locker room and i wind up having to be rude to it because it's making me feel pretty uncomfortable.

That being said-- unless this movie is the movie to bring the criminally underdiscussed idea of space aliens influencing Judeo-Christian theology into the mainstream, i am withholding any excitement.

Yeagers said...

"That being said-- unless this movie is the movie to bring the criminally underdiscussed idea of space aliens influencing Judeo-Christian theology into the mainstream..."

That is so rad!